i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
