hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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