and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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