we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
