We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
