the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
no you cant smoke seaweed
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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