The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
