Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
