I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you didnt know i had herpes?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
