i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
even my farts smell like vagina
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
