We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
