what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
