My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
