Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
