Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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