32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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