I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
