found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
