I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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