She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
