That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
