im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
