You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
