i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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