he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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