I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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