ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
