somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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