Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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