After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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