If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
