you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
