I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
