someone threw a dead crab at me
i just had sex bonerless
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
