Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
