By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
