You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
