There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
