If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
