The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
