You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
