An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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