My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
