Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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