you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
