Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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