Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
