Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
