What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
