A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
